go ahead, cornelius, you can cry.

Oh gnat-like tiny bugs who fly into my apartment when I leave my patio door open, why do you torment me so? 

Must you perch on my freshly baked brownies? The bunch of bananas on my counter? Is there nothing else in my apartment with which you can satisfy yourself? 

And please, when I'm two inches from my bathroom mirror applying liquid eyeliner, I'd appreciate it if you flew away from my exposed eyeball. Thanks. This is a difficult enough task when under the influence of marijuana. Flying tiny things by one's eyes does not a safe situation make.

+ + +

Now that that's done with.

New fierce heels:

What's that inside? Oh yeah. They're fuckin' UNICORNS, son. 

The jewelry haul..

Yes, it's Bambi on my bracelet. Yes, I will rock it with my head held high. Who doesn't like Bambi??

Ooohh..Fender pic earrings. Yum. It was a battle between these and some heart shaped pics with colored dinos all over 'em. Fender won out, of course. Come on now.

And possibly the best for last..one of my all-time favorite movies ever. Didn't you just wanna be there?? Classic.

I didn't need to get all that shit at Hot Topic, but I did. What do you do.

Oh, and if I never see another Twilight anything again, I'll die happy. What a ludicrous, over-dramatic, sloppily metaphorical piece of poorly executed drivel. And the special effects? Oh.My.God. Words can't even adequately express how 1993-era-made-for-television-sci-fi-movie they are. 

And FYI:

-vampires do NOT sparkle. Wtf.

-here's a good way to remember what 'vegetarian' means: you eat nothing with a face. 'Vegetarian' vampires wouldn't eat animals. They'd eat plants and legumes. Like the rest of us vegetarians. And then they wouldn't really be vampires. Which brings us back to..

-vampires DO NOT SPARKLE. Are they myspace glitter graphics made by fifteen year-olds? No.

-What self-respecting vampire drives a suburban soccer mom's crossover sport utilitywhatever? It's very unimpressive and sad and actually quite humorous to see a 'vampire' screech up to bullies to save the day in.....a volvo? Hmm. Not quite the effect they were going for, I think. Did the big three see through your thinly veiled excuse for a vampire flick and refuse to loan you a muscle car? 

If that's the case, there's hope for America yet.

-enough with the cloaked abstinence metaphors. Everyone gets it. Except the people preaching it, obviously.

-vampires do not sparkle.

-what looks to be premature ejaculation probably is. Don't pretend it's some animalistic craving for the lead female's blood. I see that look and familiar shudder all the time-right before the guys make for the bathroom to clean up. Just like 'Edward' did. Hmmm...

-vampires don't sparkle. 

+ + +

I'm off to cast my best friend's chart and spent some Q time with the pups. Watching Interview With the Vampire, natch.

I leave you with a great comic from explosm.net :

..as well as a pic from La Planete Sauvage (Fantastic Planet), because if you're not high, you'll wanna be while watching this movie..:

Actually, I don't know how anyone can be sober for certain movies, but that's another blog. 

xox