new 06.09.09

"pink sky at night"

our lips are dancing to some silent tune

and your fingers light my skin afire

i see the planet of you in the face of the moon

i see no sanctuary in sight from my desire

i've been told my heart is like the breeze-

it shifts and moves in a moment's time

but you-you satisfy some secret need

i'd abandon the breeze if you were mine

at times i don't know if i have rested

we part, and still i taste you on my lips

i do know this: my interest is vested

and now and then i feel my facade slip

ancient walls come crumbling down

my foundation relaxes at your smile

i'll give you me, bare and unbound

for the assurance you'll stay around awhile

i'm used to thinking you're out of my league

and sailing in the oceans of your eyes

now i'm seeing possibilities

seeing my little lonely boat capsize

and you'll explore the wreckage of me with your hands

you'll search my seas for signs of life

tell me you'll lay aside your maps and plans

and take me in, night after night.

© inkedcupcake@gmail.com 2009

the air was smoking and the streets were dry

"i'm not hurting anyone 

i'm just telling my truth 

and if there if there is something wrong 

then maybe there's something wrong with you.."

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Ever have those days (or weeks) where you have plenty of thoughts running rampant in your mind, and yet you bring pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and suddenly everything seems elementary and irrelevant? Yeah, that's where I'm at right now.

There's a lot going on at the moment, and a lot has occurred since my last post. I just don't know where to start or how to start or even IF I should start in some cases.

+++

Sometimes I want to crawl out of my skin and escape myself. I want to be anywhere but where I am, not just physically but emotionally and figuratively. My life is pretty good right now, yet I'm still a little melancholy, and everything is still in shades of grey. 

"In a coffee shop in a city

which is every coffee shop in every city

on a day which is every day.."

I'm trying so hard to get all my emotions and thoughts out on 'paper' and I keep hitting walls. I've been tweeting in lyrics all day because I can't find eloquent enough statements to express what's waging war in my mind. I hear in songs and I see faces in sheet music. My heart pulses to the drums of a favorite song and when my eyes well up with tears, the salt tastes like a tragic ballad on my tongue. 

How can someone feel so happy and so fulfilled and at the same time so empty and monochrome? I'd say it's the nature of things, but everyone is not this way. I find it interesting (coincidental? no..) that two of my favorite musicians both have songs I love with the word 'grey' in them and used in the same context (Ani's "Grey" and DMB's "Grey Street"). 

Maybe I put my stock in the wrong things. I yearn for a kiss or a declaration of infatuation from someone who appears indifferent about my existence. I expect people completely non-spiritual to understand what I mean when I say I feel like my spirit is hazy and flickering. I try to perpetuate the art of an occupation that has long since lost any artistic value.

"i just wish i knew who you were

i wish you'd make yourself known

probably you don't know i'm her

the woman you want to call home.."

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So it goes: I light another cigarette, take a swig of wine. I look around the room, watch the candles dance to some melody I've yet to hear. And I want to go to bed and start anew tomorrow as much as I want to stay up and let the sunrise take my breath away.